Week 12:

This week the topic was divorce and re-marriage. I sincerely hope I never have to discuss this topic with my husband. We talked about 5 attributes that could contribute to getting a divorce. 
1. being set in your ways
2. not having the skill set
3. money problems
4. children 
5. expectations (getting a divorce as being more of an option)

We also discussed 4 ways we can avoid divorce.
1. very careful selection when choosing who you will marry
2. being unselfish
3. continued courting (dating)
4. commitment

Brother Williams told us that studies show that even if there is fighting between husband and wife, children are better off having their parents together than divorcing.

My husband and I have promised each other that the word "divorce" wont even come up in conversation. Hopefully I can use these tactics to stay far away from the option of divorce (really it is not an option to us).

Week 11:

Parenting is such an amazing opportunity. There are many blessings that come from being parents and raising children. When beginning our families, we have plans of teaching their children but more than not, children are the ones teaching us. As they learn at rapid speeds, we as parents are learning as we go. They help us develop, become selfless, and understand more fully God's role as a parent.  

What is the purpose of parenting? 
To protect and prepare our children to survive and thrive in the world. And because children are such prized processions, we need to be very careful in the way you choose to prepare them. It is important we focus on our children's needs and proactively meeting those needs. 

Four qualities we need to instill in and teach our children: 1. Cooperation, 2. Respect (the only way to teach respect is to demonstrate it,) 3. Responsibility (give them choices,) 4. Courage. 

*This post is a bunch of random ideas and thoughts I would like to remember when I am raising my our children.

Week 10:

Having a father be involved in the family is vital. Fathers provide and teach in ways mothers cannot. I came across six ways for fathers to be present and involved in their children's lives. 

1. Try to not bring work home

• Fathers should try to detach themselves (and their brains) from the work that should be left at the office. Fathers should really try to have work and family separate entities (to some extent.)
• Be in the present and enjoy the time allotted to spend with family. Put all distractions away.

2. Arrive home on time

•  It is also just common courtesy to be prompt. Children will be waiting for their father to arrive home. It is important to be on time. 

3. Get to the office early so you can attend special events


• It always means so much when fathers (or anyone) make the effort to attend activities. It makes children feel important. Plan accordingly.

4. Put your families schedule on your calendar

• In the article it said, “A wise man once said if you don’t plan to succeed you plan to fail.” If fathers aren’t planning to be to important events or to set time aside for family time, then they will fail. 

5. Talk to your kids about what you do at your job

• Children may be more interested than you think about what you’re doing when you’re away for hours. They need to know. 
• Be intentional about explaining what you do on your child's level.

6. Decide if your offices work-family balance policy will work for you.

• Before accepting any job, it is very important to find out how the employer feels about the process of balancing work and family. 
• Having a good balance will be key to a good father and having a happy family. 

I hope my husband will take these suggestions to heart and make a conscience effort of being involved in our children's lives. 

Week 9:

This week in class we discussed the process of communication and some of the possible difficulties that can come along. First, Brother Williams had us take a quiz. The things he wanted us to answer and define were in Dutch (if I remember correctly). It was words like "infuelse," "kommunikationsmedier," and "ska'vi hyggeos." Although these words were unreadable or hard to understand by most in the class, we were able to take a familiar word to us and try to fill in the blanks, or break down the word into something we thought we understood. We also tried to listen closely to the tone of voice and/or reaction of person saying the word. Brother Williams explained this as meta-communication. Although we cannot speak or read dutch, we were able to figure out parts of the words and parts of their meanings. This is very important while discussing a topic with someone. Once a person shares a thought or comment with a person, it is encoded, sent through some type of media, then decoded by the person receiving the comment and then put into their own thoughts and feelings. It is like the game of "telephone" where you whisper into someones ear, then they whisper what they heard to someone else, and so on, until the end person says what they heard. Many times what the end person said is far from what the first person said. This lesson was very interesting and I think will come in handy in my marriage. There are times when I perceive my husband meant something completely different then he had intended and it cause many, many problems. Good communication goes along way and can make situations in life much simpler.

Week 8:

*This blog post is mostly sharing my feelings and stories, instead of my notes from class.
This week I have been thinking a lot about stressors in my life, I feel like two events outweigh the rest. First, six years ago, I was traveling home from Lake Powell with my best friend and her family. We happened to decide to ride with her brother. My friend and I both fell asleep after a couple minutes on the road, when I woke up to us crumbled and sitting on the side of the road. We had been in a head on collision with a large motor home. After a long time in an ambulance, I was told both my friend and her brother had died. The pain and confusion was too much to handle. I was all alone because my family was back home and my friends parents were dealing with the death of two children. In this situation, I was feeling the stress of "why did I make it and she didn't?" and the stress a 16 year old feels as she is entering high school, without her best friend.
I cannot imagine the stress her parents were feeling with the loss of two children. After this class I feel like I have a better understanding of the impact stress (positive or negative) can have on a marriage. Des' parents decided to not let this situation negatively impact their marriage and they truly grew closer together. 
The next biggest stressor in my life happened only a month or so ago. It was getting the news that my husband and I would have a tough time starting our family. As cliche as it sounds, the news hit me like a ton of bricks. I was devastated. Since this added stress is so new and fresh, I still find myself have moments of frustration and "freak outs." In the beginning, I wondered why we had to deal with this. I wondered what we had done to deserve this.
I have come to the realization that I just need to be happy with my situation. As hard as it is to not be jealous of others who are starting their families, I need to be happy for them too. I have now set a new goal to just "observe and describe" how I am feeling in a journal and to my husband instead of being so negative. I need to quit being so judgmental of myself and others and recognize untrue thoughts popping into my head.

"Each of us will have our own Fridays -- those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays. But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death -- Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come. No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come."

-Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Week 7:

Class this week was different. The topic of sex and intimacy can be uncomfortable and awkward but it was just the opposite. The topic was treated with respect and dignity. I learned several things that will be beneficial in my life and hopefully the lives of my future children. 

Intimacy is a sacred experience. It is a very special opportunity we share with one certain person. It is crazy to me how Satan works so hard to make the most sacred things feel like dirty sins. We shouldn't feel this way! Intimacy should be seen as something that unites the marriage and strengthens bonds between a husband and a wife. 

I realized the importance of teaching my children what I want them to know, instead of them learning from their peers. Children should feel safe and secure when asking these questions. I hope that I can teach my children of the sanctity and importance of intimacy within a marriage. 

Week 6:

This week the topic of class was the transition into marriage. The one thing I have written down most in my notes is in importance of DATING. Dating is such an important part in getting to know somebody. But dating should not end there though. Dating is vital in all stages of preparing for marriage and is essential after the wedding is over and real life has set in.
In the reading this week, we focused on four steps everyone should take when going through this transition process.
   1. Dating - Dating a variety of people and doing a variety of different activities.
   2. Courtship - Exclusive dating, a trial period. It is still important to continue going on dates.
   3. Engagement - There is a ring on her finger and a date is set. This is a time for couples to rely on       each other, make decisions together, practice sacrifice for/with each other, establish boundaries, and to problem solve together.
   4. Marriage - Dating is still wildly important when trying to make a marriage last.

It is very important for couples to not get carried away with the trivial things involved in a wedding and focus more on the part that will hopefully last forever.
Brother Williams said, "More time is spent planning the wedding than planning the marriage."
I think we can all agree that the marriage is far more important than the wedding.

Week 5:

This week the main topic was preparing for marriage. Even though I have already picked the person I want to spend the eternities with, these helpful hints apply to me. We talked about the importance of dating. Today the rage is "hanging out." We miss out on so many things, and conversations when we just "hang out" with groups of friends. The decision of marriage is hard enough, but without enough dating and getting to know each other, it could be even more difficult. 

The dating topic is also a very good reminder to me as someone who has been married for two years. My husband and I need to do a better job at keeping things fun and entertaining. Dating is something we need to do even after being married for fifty years. 

As I look back on my dating experience with my husband, I am grateful for the time we took to get to know each other in different situations, and seasons. I loved seeing how he interacting and treated his friends and family. Both of which were very important to me. 

Before jumping into the big commitment of marriage, be sure important topics and future plans are discussed. I also believe that it is vital you enjoy having fun together. Don't take things and life in general too seriously. 

I loved this quote by President Kimball. Our decision about marriage effects generations to come. Choose wisely.

“Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but eternal joy as well. It affects not only the two people involved, but their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations.” (Spencer W. Kimball, 1976, Marriage and Divorce, 2) 

Week 4:

President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "In His grand design, when God first created man, He created duality of the sexes. The ennobling expression of that duality is found in marriage. One individual is complementary to the other. As Paul stated, 'Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord' (1 Corinthians 11:11). There is no other arrangement that meets the divine purposes of the Almighty. Man and woman are His creations. Their duality is His design. Their complementary relationships and functions are fundamental to His purposes. One is incomplete without the other." 

I love this quote. I know that God created men and women so that together we can be one. This week we have learned about the differences between men and women. We know that men are more masculine, protective, task oriented, focused, and women are more gentle, verbal, loving and detail oriented (not all). I know that both sets of characteristics help us help each other. They are created to balance each other and to become one. It is Gods plan for us. 

The proclamation states, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners." 

I know it is true. I believe that these differences are essential to every family and their family system.

Week 3:

The lesson I enjoyed most this week was on social class and families. I found the discussion very interesting. We talked about the things that might define "upper class" such as, money, social perception and education. We discussed that most "upper class" families will more likely have a set of values, structure, very clear rules. The "lower class" has to work themselves up and usually don't have those same set of values because they aren't focused on those things. The "upper class" has some similarities with the family. A family provides us with structure for the children and adults. Families have expectations and hopes for each family member.

A different way of looking as social class: I would not say my family is "upper class" but I do believe my parents are upper "middle class."
I grew up in Utah until my senior year of high school then we moved to Idaho. My father is an attorney and the pay decrease was huge when we moved to Idaho. While living in Utah, my siblings and I were given everything. We were spoiled. Therefore, it made it difficult for me and my siblings to move and to transition into NOT getting everything we want.
After being married for two years and realizing that money and social class are not the most important things in life. I have realized that the best thing my parents ever did for us is move us to Idaho. It has made us realize money does not come easy, to not be so high maintenance and to appreciate everything in life. I am grateful my parents made this sacrifice even if it meant a sacrifice for themselves.

This really doesn't have a lot to do with the actual topic of "social class" but this is the thought that popped into my head during the class discussion.

Week 2:

In class we have been discussing and learning more about the four different theories within social sciences. The theory I prefer the most is the family systems theory. The definition from the book says "systems theory asserts that the intimate group must be analyzed as a whole; the group has boundaries that distinguish it from other groups. Thus, particular people form the system and have particular rules and roles that apply to their system. Furthermore, the group is composed of interrelated parts (individuals). That is, the parts are not independent but influence each other and work together in such a way that the system tends to be maintained; outside influences generally cause minimal change."

I continued to look online for an easier definition to understand and Dr. Murray Bowen said this, "a family is a system in which each member had a role to play and rules to respect. Members of the system are expected to respond to each other in a certain way according to their role, which is determined by relationship agreements. Within the boundaries of the system, patterns develop as certain family member's behavior is caused by and causes other family member's behaviors in predictable ways."

One assignment we had this week was to think of my "family rules" that were never actually discussed and displayed. One of the many rules I thought of was since I was the first/oldest child, I had a responsibility to maintain some peace between me and my siblings, help with the other kids, and help around the house. My parents never said specifically that these were my "jobs," it was just known. 

I think this example Dr. Murray Bowen gave is a perfect way of explaining this. "If a husband is depressive and cannot pull himself together, the wife may need to take up more responsibilities to pick up the slack. The change in roles may maintain the stability in the relationship, but it may also push the family towards a different equilibrium. This new equilibrium may lead to dysfunction as the wife may not be able to maintain this overachieving role over a long period of time."

The family is vital to the plan of happiness and I am learning how important it is to consciously think about my relationships within my own family. It is important to look at our own family systems and realize what we can improve on so that we can continue to strengthen our families.

Week 1:

I learned about several different topics this week but the lesson on myths and societal trends stuck out the most to me. I was a little surprised about one of the myths- "people marry because they love each other."  I assumed and felt like loving someone is a pretty big determiner in who you chose to marry. I know along with many other qualities and attributes, that really helped me decide to marry my husband.

The societal trends interested me because each one is on the rise and will affect my children and my children's kids. It's a scary thought to think of the world determining the way my kids chose to live their adult life and determining the way they conduct their life.

Premarital sex is on the rise and affecting all age children, and instead of marry, couples are chosing to cohabitate. It then increases the chance of having a child out of wed-lock and being a single mother. Then - If  people decide to marry, they are marrying later which leads to a chance of having fewer children. It's a horrible cycle and I want to do my best to help my children know what brings "real" happiness because the world is portraying a false sense of happiness.